forgive me, for I’m a curt jerk

Forgive me if my tone is curt. I don’t mean to sound like a jerk, but as you know, so far it’s been a hell of year! Before my life was filled with fear; now it’s easy, I just don’t let anyone near! Less to worry about when you NEVER go out: groceries brought to my door, Amazon giving me all I could ever want and more! All the while, bills and medical making me poor, LOVE and LAUGHTER in my life are embodied in my baby boy, born into a world of separation as a rule (I cry, ‘HOW CRUEL!), he loves his family without a clue! OH! How I wish I could be oblivious too! But NO! I can’t escape the BREAKING NEWS!!!

A Float From Stress is Best

I wish I could float

across the sky line…

no longer bogged down

BOYANT, AWAY I GO

Mountain and trees up top

tickle my belly to roll

                AND

I’d travel the world round

never tiring of the show!

YES! For today, for a time

I’ll stay a cloud floating

away from my cramped mind.

You can come and join me,

from stress FREE we’ll fly!

Oh, to write on…

After years it seems, it tickles me to think I’ve spoken to someone outside of my house this week!

I wonder each morning as light streams through my blinds: how do I regain he strength of a wheeled woman with a teen and new baby post COVID-19?

How much of my personality was affected lethally?

Near a year of no sex really makes me contemplate the world’s fate…

I decided to PUMP myself UP!!! I will begin writing again as a way to FINALLY from my own head get out!

me the oxymoron

I used to be a recluse. Now, I’m a practicing agoraphobe.

Normal was NEVER a term that described me. OXYMORON fits me best, I guess…a wanna be social soul barring herself off from having people around…yes, that’s me, Kelley.

Because of Covid-19, for a time EVERYONE had to live like me, difference is that from the family home they are all itching to get out, go shopping, and get their hair cut with friends.

When it comes to friends, however, I often wonder, “Who out there is worth my life?”

Lucky for all those who refuse to hide and wait to have fun in the sun with others around at a later date…if they test positive, at least they have their health and happiness, doing what they felt was right, breaking free of fear, unlike me!

I’ll choose to take my baby into the empty forest behind my home, for nature is the ONLY SAFE PLACE for my family to roam.

CALM! You storm…

CALM!

You storm in my head.

FEAR twists knots of ANGER

–elusive a vortex of calm–

unfounded accusations

AND

rebuke to all

who enter my space and time

as if it’s their fault I’m pissed

realty’s so unkind…

CALM! 

You over-whelming compulsion

of repulsion

towards everything!

Make haste

and

DO SOMETHING

where the uncaged

BIRDS SING!!!

 

Re-Wind Me, My Captain

Flying your vessel

With a siren’s wail,

I am the only way

To steer my course,

For you, my captain

Leapt for the sea

Leeward without me.

 

I know nothing, alone

In the no-go zone…

 

But re-wind me

With a bellow, captain,

I’ll come back to you

About the next puff,

 

For with you I’d sail

Every sunset of time

Even in waters rough.

 

 

sips of consciousness

I’m sick so much of the time

days are like sips of consciousness:

 

I watch my screen, hung as art…

do I still have a beating heart?

 

As the world drones on, I’m alone

in an episode of Twilight Zone.

 

 

breathe deep the cool breeze

Fall constricts my lungs,

arriving before it should,

halting plans for fun…

rain following me as I go

in and out for a smoke,

trying to recall how

I used to connect to nature,

house-locked in town?

 

(At least in Colorado I could

gaze at mountain tops

and envision being there!)

 

Here in the Mid-West, US

there’s only a wet, cool breeze

to help me breathe,

bored out of my mind

feeling as if I’m dilapidated!

Will I be able to find

the connection unclouded

by the constant sound of town?

on blogging my life

Each morning I awake with a stirring, pushing through to the kitchen. Coffee hot and brewing at 5am I’m ready to see who may have looked at me. Why must the likes I get, from those I’ve never met, give such validation to my life and stress???

Maybe it’s to make others feel more blessed.

I do it to know I’m not alone…I guess.

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