the hammer

to abandon the desire for you smashes a hammer unto my intestines

each breath is exhaust heaving to expel the pictures of you that make me quiver

the weight loss of friendship leaves upon my chest is heart breaking

yet never would I give up the short time I had to know you, for you changed me

stop missing his spark

Come back to me, heart!
Stop missing his spark!

You need to beat sans remorse…
Why can’t you do it once more?

Bang not a funeral drum,
pound new pleasures to come!

Lost love won’t break you,
With blues you’re through…

The only choice is to let go,
Allow new dreams to drum now!

my idol

You were my idol

I was your biggest fan

unfortunately, I still am.

You were too perceptive:

Me, you understood,

even your perspiration

gave me motivation.

Like a humming bird

I longed to take a lick!

Your sweet nectar,

I urged you to purge.

Instead you turned cold…

I hope all your dreams

are working out sound!

A kiss I blow on the wind

to the one I still miss.

 

what you deserve

You were right to keep me at bay, to turn your back on me and walk away. You deserve so much more than my “I”!

You should have stability in your bride. She has a personality that loves reality. She listens before she speaks sweet and owns a beauty that allows all to know the reason behind the skip in your step and your glow.

Yours is a woman who supports your every move, and she is the only one who looks in your eyes for love returned.

If I didn’t want your fantasy as your reality I’d hate myself. Instead, this crow will keep my adoration locked in a journal on the shelf. May you live long and prosper with your dove, for you deserve the most abundant love!

immediate palpitations

Forced to use Facebook,
the temptation returns!
Immediate palpitations
producing sweaty palms,
urging me to do it, GO ON!
Type that beloved name,
and I finger: J-O-R-D-A-N.

I know his smile by heart.
I stroke the line of his jaw,
tickling a laugh to roll
as I watch his eyes twinkle.
His long fingers in my hair
with me thankful he’s there.

I begin to pound his surname
C-O-N-…But I stop myself,
then from Facebook exit out,
knowing deep down
only torture comes from it,
peeking at an old love’s face
that no one can replace.

the addict within

Here are two perspectives on “the addict within” (who I battle with each day) that I found helpful in my quest to change what I don’t get about myself (the “why” with all the bad things I can’t quit):

 

And to quit smoking, this is the most helpful advice I’ve found:

 

Maybe with these tips I can begin to retrain my brain so I can live a healthy life!?!

 

mirrored remains

Mirrors reflect

my worry and pain

as if one foot’s already

in the grave.

 

Oil seeping down lines,

contemplation defined–

I watch as I

lose my mind…

 

My mirrored

remains of yesterdays

pull down

my inner-strength.

 

So, born again

I cover reflection

and I scream,

“Age matters not to me!”

brain slips

lack of pleasure

void of endorphins

my brain, a whore

I can’t ignore

 

like a vulture

it circles its prey

precipitating

naughty thoughts

soliciting

bad behaviors

to cope with pain

every day

 

dangerous

as a hunter

escape plays

taunts me into

unsustainable

trips of power

where I’ve control

over you as my lover

 

reality resists

fulfillment

for deep down

in my dreams

you fill my holes

so I can’t

or don’t want to

let you go

 

with you next

to me, maybe,

I wouldn’t starve

for affection

instead birth

a true connection

 

but that’s what

transforms

escape into

a monster dream

that’s just not

good for me

 

you warm my bones

As I sit staring up at the stars,

a cold wind chatters my teeth.

Full blue the ball hangs in space,

as falling leaves disrupt my gaze.

In the moon, I see your face–

dimples deep, your head smiling.

Coy eyes wink with the clouds…

in my mind, I hug you hard,

as your body suddenly appears–

and I say, “You warm my bones.

Please, may I heat-up yours?”

 

 

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