I’m thankful Thanksgiving only comes once a year! In that day, my family cooks enough trauma that I can feast til the next holiday meal. The scars from what others have done to each of us infect us in a moment of gathering together so that a NEW TRAUMA in the present for ALL parents (young and old) for ALL kids in the family line perpetuates the dysfunction that brought us up to deal with our problems and emotional stress in inappropriate and completely unacceptable ways, causing more hurt and pain…I swear it’s insane, running to change but stuck in a circle as if in chains, the past and future staying the same.
What I should say to my boy
My son is five, born in 2020…time not on our side…I’m 50, his dad 45, and as I lay him down to sleep, I always say, “Sweet dreams, sweet boy.” Yet, as I go to lie in my bed, in my head an echo, like a ghost I tell myself, “This is what you should have said:
I’m sorry for the world you’re going to have to live in.
I’m sorry the ice caps are melting.
I’m sorry the bees and butterflies are dying.
I’m sorry weather is brutal and disasters will be common.
I’m some still look at a gun as fun.
I’m sorry war trumps compassion as children become walking corpses with no choices.
I’m sorry the food chain is breaking with modification feeding the poor and hungry.
I’m sorry algorithms or AI took control of love.
And I’m sorry facts are newspeak and can’t be trusted.
I’m sorry most people have no faith in people, so now even the good in God is gone.
Most of all, I’m sorry I’m 50 and you’re 5, together the total is over half my life, and before you know it…I’ll die.
“GOD, what should I say?” I cry.
For now, Quentin, from the future, I will hide
Who Drew the Lines?
Lines of collections constructed with intensity, utilizing a special kind of mental acuity…like a five year old engineer, my high-functioning Autistic son works all day challenging himself and his imagination to improve his world, one in which only he truly understands the rules, and therefore, only he can maintain control.
Yet, he wants, needs, asks to go find friends to keep from being lonely.
He is fascinating to me because with all the delay and missed milestones in the beginning, my worry is finally feeling relief. His ability to deal with the unpredictable, sometimes cruel outside world is inspirational to me, his mom, who avoids society because of anxiety.
Who drew the lines separating me from everybody? It’s time I construct a bridge to reconnect, despite the fear of everybody hating me or worse…me hating everybody.
Whether you have kids or not, getting out of our screens will improve our world for generations to come. Let’s reteach ourselves what it means to have fun!!!
Big UGLY Truth
I’ve always written to escape, writing reality I hate, but now, TODAY, I can’t help but change. I find no reason to celebrate this country’s current state, with the leader of democracy who’s acting like a king, and all the while, for HIM, the Christians sing in blatant idolatry. No! Not me…definitely all of my family, but not me. I’m NOT happy, no, I’m MAD that big UGLY bill passed because it may help me, it screws my 18 year old and 5 year old baby!!! God dammit, can I forgot my tax break to make sure poor babies can live and eat? Forget fight about the issues, soon we’ll be fighting for food. I’m SAD for the future after the richest get fatter with the pork they sling as facts. As the dust settles over the next six months, I foresee all that SELF-SERVING president-man has done is make US look and feel BAD.
Today, I’m starting back up this page. Fifty years down, I’m long overdue for a change. So, to you dear Readers, I hope you understand, I don’t give a shit if I have fans. I am and will always be Hopelessly Inappropriate, that’s me.
A Silent Scream
Mid-life
OH NO
crisis
awaits
A BLOW
Mid-night
SCREAMS
silent
sleepless
dreams
Mid-level
FIGHT
Who am I???
a bout
NOW
forgive me, for I’m a curt jerk
Forgive me if my tone is curt. I don’t mean to sound like a jerk, but as you know, so far it’s been a hell of year! Before my life was filled with fear; now it’s easy, I just don’t let anyone near! Less to worry about when you NEVER go out: groceries brought to my door, Amazon giving me all I could ever want and more! All the while, bills and medical making me poor, LOVE and LAUGHTER in my life are embodied in my baby boy, born into a world of separation as a rule (I cry, ‘HOW CRUEL!), he loves his family without a clue! OH! How I wish I could be oblivious too! But NO! I can’t escape the BREAKING NEWS!!!
A Float From Stress is Best
I wish I could float
across the sky line…
no longer bogged down
BOYANT, AWAY I GO
Mountain and trees up top
tickle my belly to roll
AND
I’d travel the world round
never tiring of the show!
YES! For today, for a time
I’ll stay a cloud floating
away from my cramped mind.
You can come and join me,
from stress FREE we’ll fly!
Oh, to write on…
After years it seems, it tickles me to think I’ve spoken to someone outside of my house this week!
I wonder each morning as light streams through my blinds: how do I regain he strength of a wheeled woman with a teen and new baby post COVID-19?
How much of my personality was affected lethally?
Near a year of no sex really makes me contemplate the world’s fate…
I decided to PUMP myself UP!!! I will begin writing again as a way to FINALLY from my own head get out!
me the oxymoron
I used to be a recluse. Now, I’m a practicing agoraphobe.
Normal was NEVER a term that described me. OXYMORON fits me best, I guess…a wanna be social soul barring herself off from having people around…yes, that’s me, Kelley.
Because of Covid-19, for a time EVERYONE had to live like me, difference is that from the family home they are all itching to get out, go shopping, and get their hair cut with friends.
When it comes to friends, however, I often wonder, “Who out there is worth my life?”
Lucky for all those who refuse to hide and wait to have fun in the sun with others around at a later date…if they test positive, at least they have their health and happiness, doing what they felt was right, breaking free of fear, unlike me!
I’ll choose to take my baby into the empty forest behind my home, for nature is the ONLY SAFE PLACE for my family to roam.
CALM! You storm…
CALM!
You storm in my head.
FEAR twists knots of ANGER
–elusive a vortex of calm–
unfounded accusations
AND
rebuke to all
who enter my space and time
as if it’s their fault I’m pissed
realty’s so unkind…
CALM!
You over-whelming compulsion
of repulsion
towards everything!
Make haste
and
DO SOMETHING
where the uncaged
BIRDS SING!!!
Wheeled Wonder Woman 